Hi, been struggling, the usual refrain. Nearly half way done w/ 24, approaching my June 8th arrest date. I am 27.
Politics, real politik, is still the word/phrase descriptive of prison. I have relocated myself to a new housing unit, an “open dorm”. This was due to the backlash I received for hosting a track/field competition here… and deciding to compete. I was subject to the lovely “trans athlete” discourse for 4-5 days straight, from countless persons. The funniest part? I’m not even likely to win. But my “biology”…
There is an LGBTQ+ newsletter ran here, I am hoping to possibly get a copy to share (it’s digital) – I was asked my thoughts of the trans athlete discourse in here and more broadly. Basically, folx don’t get biology – if anything my hormone levels now handicap me. I articulated – believed – corollary between the socio phenomenon of the “New Race Talk” and, what I would call, a “New Trans Talk”. Language is a prime way of organizing, organizing and mobilizing power – and, when open transphobia becomes taboo, a new way is invented, created, to discuss us faggots.
In this sense, I’ve come out as ace here. Discussion with an ace friend here has given me the language and understanding, plus a confidence, to find myself comfortable with this label. I’ve never been good at writing poems of sexual desire, anyhow; lacking this “emotion” to express was what helped make most sense of my current. I’ve been trying to revisit some of my experiences/emotions in past relationships, noticing a trend of appeasement, on my part. I have also been thinking to Foucault’s relation of power/knowledge to sexuality and Butler’s idea of performativity & using philosophy to make “sense”.
School sucks this term. Business classes, puke. Anthropology would be fun, but the collective mediocrity silences me and I’m forced to twiddle my thumbs, listen to an explanation of something(s) which needed no explanation (to me)… like what our assignments are. Ugh, read the syllabus. Espanol es facil, pero mucha tared. Tambien, no practico hoblando =(. I hear little on my Ronald McNair research essay. I believe we’ll hear on it by late this year.
Reading “Discipline & Punish” by Foucault, Butler’s “Undoing Gender”, and (due to my friend demanding it of me) “Wicked”.
Beat Mario Odyssey recently – also eat Metroid Dread, on hard. Been borrowing games as I’m able, though also not trying to have games ruin my studies.
Borrowed my friend’s keyboard workstation, wrote a whole beat in like an hour-ish, writing lyrics slowly – this will be a rap for/about a friend of mine here.
Finished the draft of the Demur, book 1. Need to slightly revise it all. Then, it’ll be published. The hero’s journey; Dakota.
That’s life – I’m up to 133lbs, have a 4-pack now, have my pre-arrest strength (at 10lbs lighter…), trying to reach a “healthy” “weight” maybe like 145lbs. Even my slight muscle has adjusted discourse for me being “bony” to “surprisingly strong”. Eh, whatever makes people leave me the fuck alone. My mile-running time is 12 minutes, pretty terrible; nutrition is difficult in here.
Searching for a new book topic. Until next time.
-Candle